the pelican

vicksick

2009-08-14T09:53:00.004-06:00

and now it's time for a bit of the old self-righteous indignation fiasco. i just can't stop myself today.

got my undies in a bundle. my knickers in a twist. got a bee in my bonnet. some gravel under the fingernails

yeah got a splinter in my heart.

and oh yes there is much to be concerned about. there is great ignorance and suffering and there is great injustice in the world there is suffering so much suffering there is much so much so much to be done.

may all beings be free of suffering.

and you see the thing is, the fact of the matter, the crux of the issue, the confession of the moment is that truth be told . . . well . . . i am a football fan.

in fact i am even a denver broncos fan, to be more precise. yes it's true i willingly ride that rollercoaster of triumph and agony and victory and defeat.

and i am excited and anxious about tonight's first pre-season game. new coach. new quarterback. anything can happen.

i have followed the news, read all the opinionated hoo-hah, watched for the signing of players, paid attention to the draft. i have high hopes and dreams for my team. MY team. my broncos. yes, i am a fan.

and we are in the second half of the heat of the summer and emotions are close to the surface and my squash and zucchini and cucumbers are producing at a greater rate than we can consume them and the cats are like little limp dishrags in their fur coats and it's too hot to sleep at night and we're getting tired of eating salads while being eaten alive by mosquitoes but there is a bit of crispness to the air and the promise of the fall approaching and cooler nights and breezes and leaves and apples and blankets and sweaters.

and football.

and yes it's not quite here yet it's close it's only foreshadowing it's only it's only pre-season but there is a kind of electricity to it. a new team. a new day. a new era.

and yes i know it is a violent sport. i know it is rough and tumble and hard and gritty and people get injured. oh it is yes it is.

oh but i love it. i do i do. yeah it's a wild and crazy battle of wills and strength and agility and specialties. i love the miraculous moves, the ballet, the amazing feats, the heart the soul the team the push the drive the emotion the testosterone the grime and sweat and the dance and the heartbreak and the cheering and the passion the plays the intricacies the plans the strategies the discipline the athletes the choreography the game the game the game.

but then i see that Vick is back. with philadelphia. the eagles. after only eighteen months in prison. a year and a half.

and this is a man who electrocuted dogs with jumper cables. who drown them in his swimming pool. hung them from trees.

conscious deliberate cruelty.

for his amusement.

we're not talking about crimes of passion or anger, not even temper tantrums or tirades.

no this is someone who tortured dogs for entertainment.

and everybody wants to say oh he's done his time, he gets a second chance. and it's ok it's ok he's suffered enough he gets a one point six million dollar contract and he's back in the NFL.

makes me so sick so mad makes me cry and cry and makes me mad mad mad.

now i believe i do i believe in second chances. i do believe in rehabilitation. i do i do. i believe people can learn and grow and become and change and evolve.

i believe that prisons should have training programs and education and options options options for rehabilitation. oh yes i do.

but we're not talking about stealing cars or holding up a liquor store or even selling drugs. we're not talking about desperation and poverty and falling in with the wrong crowd or gang activity or a life of hardship and fear. we're talking about violent crime of the highest order. we're talking about a wealthy successful highly touted athlete in the public eye who had been deliberately torturing other living things. for fun.

we're talking a sickness of the heart and soul that can not simply be waived away by a year and half in prison.

and i'm not even saying prison is the answer for him. or for anybody for that matter.

and i don't want revenge. i don't want to punish him. i don't want him to suffer. i'm just saying we can not afford to reward him. to wipe this away and pretend it never happened because he's done his eighteen months of prison time.

i'm not suggesting a lack of forgiveness.

i am however suggesting the possible need for some serious mental health intervention, evaluation, treatment and potentially a prolonged removal from society.

and what really worries me what really scares me what seems to say it all is the attitude of those who don't understand how serious deliberate acts of cruelty to helpless animals is as well.

imagine if this were children that he electrocuted and tortured. because it might as well have been. it is a proven time-tested well known fact that people who subject animals to cruelty will do the same to human beings.

and if we stand by and try to wipe this away and say oh it's ok it's ok he's done his time he's fine now he gets to play in the NFL he gets to play he gets to have kids look up to him he gets to be on the cover of magazines he gets to play in the big show he gets to smile into the camera and make the big bucks well i just can't go there i just don't know if i can deal with this i just don't think i can i just am not taking this well i am worried about all of us i am sad so very sad i feel sick i can only see the faces of abused animals and feel the pain in my heart.

i love football i love the game but this i just i just i just don't know if i can accept this.

as sports fans as football fans as pet owners as human beings we simply can not afford to reward this behavior with a one point six million dollar contract and a position in the NFL. what sort of message does this send? what does this say about us as a society? what does this say about football? how can we afford to accept this?

well we can't.

forgiveness? ok. return to society after only eighteen months? maybe. reward and return to the NFL? absolutely not.

lyman alpha blog

2009-07-02T16:46:00.005-06:00

ok ok so i guess it is time for an official post. right right you are rusty, as always.

and now that i have been transformed at the subatomic level, i am ready to roll.

yeah actually i have been tossing that statement off a bit, well, shall we say . . . flippantly. but there has been a transformation.

though in truth perhaps it is always happening every day. every hour. every second.

or that is in this fluctuating emanation of identity that has at least a fairly decent illusion of continuity, there is always the opportunity for consciousness. awareness. within the ever-changing movement.

so had a blip. a look-see through the peephole of perception.

coming and going.

here and there anywhere.

and more and more and more just want to be here rather than there. here and now and in the now.

right now.

the eternal moment.

and there we are.

a transformation at the subatomic level. thanks to seeing deepak chopra a couple nights ago. on a whim.

and was utterly transfixed. transcended. transformed.

oh i had seen him before on pbs you know, and read a couple of his books. merlin, i think. and buddha. and something else. but just hadn't really heard him. not really.

really heard him in the moment.

perhaps my ego held me back and maybe i was just judging the whole deepak thang as too commercial of a phenomenon.

maybe.

can't really say why but i hadn't really gone there.

until now. right now.

and have to say, the experience was good. is good. still good. reverberating still.

there is a quote, einstein i think, who said something to the effect that you don't really understand a thing unless you can explain it to your grandmother.

and i think everybody in the packed auditorium got it. got him. gained a bit of wisdom.

he woke us all up.

explained everything so well. crystal clear. in the simplest of terms. quantum leaps.

and well he really got me thinking. and feeling. and meditating.

and no doubt a good reminder that fear creates the greatest amount of suffering.

a friend of mine says that there always has to be an element of fear, or else there would be no growth. she says that when you feel fear, you're facing something new and there's more to learn. facing the fear is when growth takes place.

well maybe.

but then, does that imply, that fearlessness leaves no room for growth?

and if they say the choice is between love or fear, are we choosing love out of fear of fear?

maybe the choice is really between awareness and ignorance.

for how do we see it all without judging? how do we accept what is and still operate with a sense of purpose?

what act doesn't arise from desire? how is being even possible without a sense of assertive existence? what could be done without a ripple effect?

and so what is not karma?

this life feels so greedy sometimes. the senses seem limitless in their drive to gratify themselves.

there is an innate drive for experience. for learning. for becoming. for growth.

each exhale gives off the waste of this body. each inhale takes in life.

every step propels us forward.

every word leaves an imprint.

samskaras.

every second holds information.

each perception is formed through focus.

volition.

it feels as though all organic existence is composed of intention.

a choice, a will, an assertion of being.

propelling itself, apparently, into time. an expression of linear perception.

desire.

to be. to experience. to see.

and thus we go onward. striving. struggling. suffering.

but all we really need to do is surrender to the moment. as ram das would say, be here now.

and so deepak tells us about his training as a doctor, working in emergency rooms, living as an adrenalin junkie. the medical profession fixing people but nobody is being healed. and he sees it all and recognizes it for what is and he offers it up and he now he takes a vow of ahimsa and encourages us to as well and thus to me becomes yet another superhero in my pantheon of bodhisatva teachers who continue to delight and enlighten me.

and i feel so very fortunate.

so many reminders. so much love. so much compassionate wisdom availble if we only bother to dip a toe in and test the water of the great sea of possibility.

quantum leaping hopping skipping jumping whirling dancing.

you put your right foot in and you shake it all about.

yeah that's what it's all about.

and so it begins

2009-06-19T09:07:00.002-06:00

the first steps away from my old bloggy.

eeek.